Arcanum Arcanorum
by grumkinsnark
Summary: When it comes to heists, working with a poltergeist has some distinct advantages.


_Prompt: When it comes to heists, working with a poltergeist has some distinct advantages._

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**Arcanum Arcanorum**

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Really, they should have figured it out by now. Some thieves are good, some thieves are great, but Parker's level of perfection in all her heists should have tipped at least _one_ of them off at this point. Sometimes, Parker thinks Eliot has some idea—the way he studies her, like he can see into every preternatural nerve fiber, every invisible mark of ectoplasm she leaves on the things she touches, the fact that once his hand moved straight through the cereal she always eats that is nothing more than an apparition (she _can_ eat, you see, but everything tastes like ash and it's just better for everyone if she pretends)—but he's never brought it up.

Probably, she guesses, because he's seen worse, and come on, she's not a _bad_ poltergeist, exactly.

She's kind of surprised Hardison hasn't clued in yet, given his proclivity to fantasy genres and determination to believe that Bigfoot exists. (Hardison accuses Eliot of messing with him when he says he's fought aliens before—"It's a very distinctive goo"—but Parker has a distant cousin who's an alien, so she trusts him.)

Or perhaps Sophie should have talked to her about it, considering how great at detecting lies she is. One doesn't become the world's greatest grifter by having anything less than a superb sense about people. Parker considers herself the second-worst grifter on the team ahead of only Hardison, but apparently she's better than she thought. That, or Sophie simply doesn't _want_ to consider the possibility.

Or Nate, who knows them all better than they know themselves, who seemingly can predict their movements and intentions before they make them. But then again, no one's really been able to figure out _Nate_, so it serves that he might be blind about some things, too.

She's honestly a little miffed that none of them have ever even _approached_ her about the whole thing, had instead simply declared her "crazy," that there's something psychologically _wrong_ with her. She's not _wrong_, she's just…different. She's played along because—_shut up, okay_—she doesn't want to risk losing them. Or worse, having them look at her oddly, converse with her like she's some bomb that's going to explode.

But _then again_, she's also kind of pleased that they've simply accepted her skills as the best in the world. After she'd told her first four foster families about her true nature and having each of them shriek in horror and kick her out, it's nice to have people _admire_ her. Even if they don't know that she sleeps best when she's floating somewhere around the moon.

It wears on her, though, all the secrecy and frustration, that one day she decides to tell them. In increments, so they don't _completely _freak out. She waits until Nate pairs her with Eliot, waits until they're about to break into a vault just shy of a Steranko.

"Hey, Eliot, I have something to tell you," she says. "I'm not just a thief. I'm a poltergeist."

Eliot stares at her for a few moments. "Well, that explains a lot," he says. "Now, would you make yourself useful and go get that damn painting? We're running out of time."

She allows a smile to grace her features, and then with a sigh of relief walks straight through the lasers. If she's not careful, she can still set off motion sensors, and even the lasers themselves, but Eliot's easy acceptance has her so centered she's all but invisible, and for all the security system knows, she might as well be.

It's simple after that, informing everyone of her true nature—Hardison celebrates at the paranormal being real; Sophie prods her experimentally; and Nate groans, citing all his efforts to catch her as a waste—and they go on as before. Except now she can enjoy annoying everybody and then zooming out of view or finally honing her ability to walk through walls much to Hardison's enjoyment, or managing to irritate Eliot even more than before.

Best of all, she's able to show them how she _actually_ stole all those diamonds and artifacts and sculptures. They ask her more than a few times why she hadn't told them before, because _damn it, Parker, we could have done all this so much easier_ and _I've killed people, Parker, you really think a poltergeist is going to be a deal-breaker?_ and even _Parker, you and I are going to have a long conversation about all the new grifting techniques I can teach you_.

When Nate and Sophie go off on their own and she, Eliot, and Hardison create their own team, it takes the boys all of two seconds to declare her the new Nate. After all, what corrupt businessman could stand a chance against a thieving poltergeist?


End file.
